March 19, 2018

How to Survive as the Law School Wife

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How to Survive as the Law School Wife

How to Survive as the Law School Wife

No amount of blogs, and tips from people will ever prepare you for professional school let alone being the spouse/partner of a law student.

Let me repeat:

No amount of blogs, and tips from people will ever prepare you for professional school let alone being the spouse/partner of a law student.

My husband decided to attend law school during our first year of marriage (crazy, right?). Not only was the school in another state but we decided to live outside of the city where it put me back in a small town where I attended high school. Oh the joy. A town so small you feel like you’re one of the fictional characters from the Twilight Zone.

We packed all of our things and turned in our keys to our landlord and left the newly overpriced gentrified Bushwick. We would’ve probably died in that apartment as the rent was decent and everywhere around us wasn’t. Thanks a lot Vogue.

We moved about two months before law school started. There was no big orientation for family members of the students. Prior to moving friends that had finished law school at this same university gassed it up so much. “Oh law school is going to be great!” “The Gator Network is real!” “Law school is going to go so fast” I could go on and on.

There was a lot going on all at once: moving, school, and now I was going to be working remotely. Talk about so many changes in such a short amount of time.

Law school is a beast of its own.

Let me break down a typical weekday schedule:

Student:
Wake up, gym, get ready, pack lunch, attend classes, come home exchange a few minutes of your time with your spouse while you scarf down dinner and then go study for a few hours, and then sleep. Repeat for the next three years.
Spouse:
Wake up, gym, log into work (doesn’t really require you to get ready), think about productive things you could be doing with your life but here you are on social media, try to enjoy the few minutes your spouse has with you while you eat up your prepped dinner, Netflix and chill solo, and then sleep. Repeat for the next three years.

“It’ll all be worth it in the end” said to the law school mistress (yes, that’s an actual pet name for wives of law students. As law school is the wife and you are the mistress. What the?!).

Motivational Quote

You will probably turn into a professional eye-roller as you will hear these motivational quotes from everyone around you.

Yes, they’re right. It will be worth it in the end. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel you need to be a supportive partner.

Give those good word of affirmations and be a team player. You are not their roommate. You are their spouse. You will both need to take the initiative with being in a marriage.

The first, second and third year of law school are all hard. It’s how you both adjust and handle the routine of things.

Mark your calendars for a weekly date night. Budget will be tight as you’re going to be the one supporting your household.

Find free things to do in your area or rent a film on Amazon Prime and microwave some popcorn, and veggie out on the couch.

Your spouse will be making new friends, joining clubs, and studying their ass off so you will need to make yourself busy.

Pepper Potts the GSD

Pepper Potts the GSD

Find a yoga studio in your area. Have weekly lunch dates with your mom or girlfriend. Adopt a dog. Start a blog.

Trust me. You are going to need all the support YOU can get.

The first nine months of this experience I became pretty depressed. My friends and family would reach out to me and I just didn’t know how to cope. It was rough for me. I started to regret agreeing to move to Florida. I would think about the “what ifs…” (and damn, your mind starts playing tricks on you.) My what ifs were questions like, “would I be this unhappy had we stayed in Brooklyn? I had a life there. I had friends there.” Oh the memories.

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. When there is something you need to learn, something that you need to work on, the same situation will continue to repeat itself until you either learn your lesson or find a healthy way of dealing with that particular issue. So, I eventually adopted Pepper Potts (the apple to my eye) a German Shepherd dog. Found a really great fitness studio with amazing instructors. I also continue to go on weekly lunch dates with my mom. And with so much time on my hands — I went the crazy route and decided to start blogging again.

A little progress each day adds up to big results quote

With two months shy of my husband’s graduation I really can’t help but to think of all the ups and downs we’ve had over the course of three years. The law school experience was rough, but it truly has brought us closer. We have learned better ways of communicating and what buttons not to push.

For those of you that are about to start this journey or are in the middle of it — Stay strong. You got this!

What have your experiences been like?

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